Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Why should I be scared? Everything is perfect.

I ran away this weekened. Or maybe I ran to. I escaped to the coast, drove my two Siberian huskies out to this fabulous bed and breakfast in Hyannis Port, Ma. It was the perfect setting to forget all of the stuff going on around me and hang out with God, one on one. I did not access my email, rarely answered my cell phone, and drove up and down the coast, stopping to hike a section of the rail trail, then find a cute town to shop in. This was my very first big girl vacation, I was on my own, without a man or family. Emotions surfaced, loneliness surfaced, self pity surfaced, and then after everything was out in the open, I was able to sit in the sand at the National Seashore and ask God for help. It was foggy, and I could only see a little way out into the Atlantic. I sat with my dogs, wind whipping my hair, and the fog lifted, the blue sky emerged and the head of a harbor seal popped out of the water, bobbed there for a minute, then vanished. Everything I ever need has always been there for me, all the time. I just can't see it through my fear. The next step is always in front of me, I just forget to take it. Everything was perfect this weekend, despite the rain and wind and doggie accidents. Grace, my white husky, chased waves, tried to eat seaweed and was happy to see every single biker on the path. I was the one forgetting the magnificence of the outside world. Now I have sand in my car to remind me that the fog does always clear, and I will never stumble if I just keep moving straight ahead and watching where my feet land.

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