Friday, December 23, 2011

God 301 Intensive

The move is complete, I am settling into a beautiful new home and I am grateful. Most of the boxes are unpacked and I am slipping into a new routine. I look out the window at the mist sinking down onto the mountain, my Christmas tree is nestled into the bay window and a water fountain adds some soothing noise. This is where God has led me, I had been scared to leave my old place, scared that I would miss the beauty of the backyard and pond, but I have slipped into a space that suits me and everything I love. The brain shoots right back to fear though and I could be admiring the view and the creamy colored walls and want more from God. I can zero in on what my life lacks right now, and the only thing my ego thinks it lacks is a full time "real" job, a constant source of income, guaranteed with health insurance to boot. I am currently in an on call position which requires constant surrender. I need to surrender my schedule and my paycheck to my Higher Source. I don't know from day to day if I will work and that is scary. But as I sit here today I realize that I have always had enough, no matter what I take home via payroll. I always have a home, food and heat, somehow these details are taken care of, but with vigilance on my part. I have to surrender my fears and my will and my life over to God, on a daily basis. It feels as if I am trudging my way through a 300 level class at college. But as with the class, if I do the work, keep up with the course load and go easy on myself, I end up making it through. I won't be in this financial position forever, I did the leg work, got the degree, I search the job boards and I understand that I will receive exactly it is I need to receive, and usually the gifts are greater than I ever could have imagined. I know that as fact when I look around my living room and curl up with a book and blanket.