Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Treadmill: you all know where this one is going

It has been snowing / raining for a week here in the beautiful Berkshires. This has had a huge effect on part of my daily spiritual practice, running. The even rhythm of feet on pavement, the time alone with Spirit, and breathing in fresh air seems to keep me sane during any life situation. There are many people out there who haven't encountered my wrath solely because I take the time to run in the morning. This week it had been a few days, the snow, the streets filled with gushing water and careening cars kept me from my normal routine (it does seem to take a lot to keep me on an even keel.) So I decided to go to the gym and log in my miles on the treadmill. I really had good intentions. However I started to feel trapped around mile 3, and by the 4th I was counting down the tenths, feeling my anxiety level raise. This does not usually happen when I run. The treadmill for me was similar to my life before sobriety and entrance into a semi spiritual lifestyle. Ten years ago I was running to get somewhere but never actually arriving at a destination. I was trapped by an unhealthy lifestyle, thinking that I would actually get somewhere, and then experiencing despair when I didn't. Today, despite the incredible load of work I have heaped in my bowl, I am extremely grateful for the life that I am living. I have an amazing family, network of friends, home and education. The snow sits on the trees creating a magical kingdom that glistens. I have a coffee, a few free minutes and this laptop on which to write. I am no longer on the treadmill.

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